I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
