My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
