I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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