Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
