some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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