overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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