I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
