if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
