i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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