I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
