im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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