It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
