you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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