We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
