new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
