Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
