what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
