What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
