I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
