I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
