I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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