GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
