So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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