maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
