Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
