Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
