you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
