that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
