mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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