the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
