I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
