If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
