Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
