Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
