Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
