Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
