Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
