She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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