Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
