I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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