I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
