You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
