She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
