At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
