I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
