Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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