I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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