Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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