Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
