Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
